So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
