every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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