I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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