why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
