Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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