Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
