she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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