It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
