So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
