Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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