Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Michael Bay diarrhea
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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