Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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