Jerry, you need to find god
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
