Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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