I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
