I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
