Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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