Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
