I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
