Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
