i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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