Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
