Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
