You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
