Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
