He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
