Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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