Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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