The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
