one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
