I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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