The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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