Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
