Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
