The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
