So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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