It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
