After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
why is half of my head shaved?
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