This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
