She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
