I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
