I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
