We're facebook friends in real life
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
