I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
