using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
