Your tits are I can't wait for
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
