i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
