Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
