What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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