I think my vagina is haunted
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This house was built for laser tag.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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