when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
